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The Best Beauty Tips to NEVER Follow

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Whether it’s old wives’ tales, Chinese whispers, people a bit loose in the nut playing at being gurus, random madness on the interweb, or Gwyneth Paltrow, one thing is for certain – there’s a whole dung-heap of beauty advice at large in the world that is at best laughable and downright dangerous at worst. Here are a few of the biggest stinkers we’ve come across:

Don’t moisturise if you have oily skin
TOTAL CODSWALLOP! Oiliness doesn’t mean your skin is hydrated, nourished or protected. Talk to a professional, have a skin assessment and ask for some skin-appropriate samples if you’re unsure what to use for your skin type.

Using mayonnaise as a hair mask will help it grow
There are seriously better uses for mayo than this wild goose chase. Like potato salad, for inst. A healthy diet and gentle scalp massages are the best things you can do to stimulate hair growth. Remember, your hair is dead, bless its soul. Condiments on your tresses won’t do a dang thing to change that.

When doing a home dye job, use a bit on eyebrows and eyelashes to match them
You shouldn’t do this because just no. What thy scalp can taketh, thy eye area cannot. If you want to do a home job, use dyes specially formulated for where you’re using them.

Use haemorrhoid cream to reduce puffiness under eyes
What thy anus can taketh, thy eye area cannot. While eye baggage could in the 90s be briefly rid of this way, most creams nowadays have a different active ingredient which doesn’t constrict blood vessels in the same manner, and either way, they contain irritants not great for delicate skin. Try cucumber slices instead or a good eye mask.

Trimming eyelashes will make them grow longer
Actually, trimming your lashes will make them shorter! Sounds mental! But it’s true! All that will happen is you’ll have a bit of a wait until your stubby little eye-tufts grow back, at which point they’ll be longer than they were after you cut them, but that’s about all the good news we have for you there.

Boiled eggs are great for applying makeup
Well, it’s not gonna hurt you, but you are gonna look like a right fool. Mix your googies with the mayo you haven’t put in your hair and make yourself a sanga instead.

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